Garbage bin - Garbage bout!

There's a lot to be said about how we deal with our wastes. The human body, the miraculous wonder it is, doesn't waste much. That's because we are a product of Nature's selection. But oh this beautiful efficient human machine doesn't deal with wastes very well on a mega societal level. Our social gregarious communities of billions of people create a lot more wastes than our humble sapien brains had to think about on the plains of Africa some 200,000 years ago.

During my long absence away from this blog, I have become the last Mohican with my little garbage can at the end of my driveway. I was informed by our municipality of La Peche, that they would no longer pick up my garbage can (or that was inside) unti I got a regulation size and model G bin on wheels with a heavy duty attached lid. The frustrating thing for me was I couldn't fit the damn thing in my car no way Jose! I knew I wasn't gonna wheel this whale sized vault on wheels from Remi's R  Cube up the road, through the village for everyone to see and laugh at me for being the last of the Mohicans with a honking big garbage can. Not only did it not fit in my car but I had no spot for it in my driveway along with the other honking big blue bin for recyclables. Besides being cheap and it not being convenient for me to convert to the super bin size, I was also against what it represented, like super-sizing the dumpster for everyone to generate even more waste, after all, you got all that extra space to fill up every week and you paid for it! Yes I say, it's all an insidious plot to take over or just end the world.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I got really good at buying or generating as little garbage as possible. Being vegetarian helps, as does having a compost and a fireplace. Being relatively poor also contributes to less garbage. Did I mention I live alone with my cat Skookum? That helps also but that's another story. So what I couldn't use in any way, I just collected it and stored in airtight bags in my basement. My buddy across the street heard about my noble fight with the system and said I could just toss it in his bin if if there was space on garbage day.  Cool. Until one day some animals or crows got in because I overstuffed it? And my buddy's partner got a little put off by the arrangement and I felt quite embarrassed to say the least. Ah, so that's how this whole converting thing works...


Deep down I know I couldn't win this fight but in hindsight if delivered the right way, it could make a good stand-up comedy routine. Not that I could ever do that sort of thing or even perform music as I've become fairly terrified of doing just about anything in front of an audience, but somehow this is different. Could be that no one actually reads it which is quite convenient and fine for me.

When I first defied the garbage guys (who I always respect and appreciate the job they do and the service they provide and secretly I've always been a garbage picker, always been interested in the things people threw away, besides I'd love to be working outside and hanging onto that bar on the back of a 20 ton behemoth truck barreling down the road with purpose! At least that's the way the still do it out here in the country. I also realized that the garbage trucks were now outfitted with fork-lift like device that flipped the bin up, over and into the truck without undue strain or risk to the human operator. These people, still mostly men, who work hard and are good at the invaluable service they provide society.

The second time I defied the garbage monitors (garbage Gestapo?), they left a formal polite warning notice on my door. It had a long list of ridiculous violations, I was check-marked for "unacceptable or non-standardized garbage receptacle".  I knew I would lose the war on this stand because A few weeks later I tried again just for fun and watched from the door as they drove up. Buddy starting writing another warning ticket and this time left all the garbage behind and drove away. I walked out and balled up the "violation" and threw it at this monstrous diesel truck. I think I even even hit it! Right at that moment the massive grinding motor that scrunches up chesterfields and such, came to a sudden and rather pathetic whimpering end. Knowing me, I was probably yelling something in anger, but maybe through the rear-view window, he somehow saw me throw the balled up ticket at their truck. He stopped and got out and started walking over to me. Holy shit man, I can't believe that scrunched up violation notice had some kind of magic super-power to it! I cooled right down because of course, it wasn't his fault or his problem, it was mine alone. He has a hard enough job already duh! I just pleaded my case with conviction and humor and he totally got what my situation and was in full and total agreement. Didn't hurt that he was young and had an open and broad mind to begin.When I think back on it, I think we kind of bonded over the whole experience! I was especially relieved to know the paper snow ball did not lead to damage to their truck or me being arrested or fined.

Make no mistake, the city has made one more insidious move into our sacred country hills of Wakefield. I was the last hold out but I surrendered peacefully and tactfully when I had a new patio door delivered to my house last Fall (~5 years after the new code for super bins was imposed), I got Reno Depot to throw the smallest honking big bin on the truck as well. It was even on special! I must admit I felt like I finally joined another level of societal union. For me it's almost akin to how we started our societal addiction to TV, the Internet and cell phone and now material happiness that just creates miserable garbage. Why can't we just be happy with less and make do with more? I know it doesn't make sense because humanity is a very or too complex a machine. But whether or not we actually survive the 21rst Century, we can at least be comfortable knowing that I and Wakefield have joined the ranks on garbage bins. One thing I know for sure, the way we waste our wastes has all bin done before...

Have a great summer and just remember, nothing really good or bad goes to waste!